Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
