I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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