the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
