I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
