if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
