He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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