4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
