It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I didn't notice because vodka
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
