There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
