Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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