remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
