he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
