oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
