one two three fourrrrnication!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
