First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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