I am puke
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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