I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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