$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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