wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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