just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
