You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
handjob tips. give me some.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
