How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
