i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You're like the curious george of whores
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
