people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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