I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
