There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
