Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
