oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How's work?
Spinning.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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