Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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