Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
