i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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