Kiss
Puke
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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