Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
