The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
