nut hugger
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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