dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
