I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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