New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
