i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
