Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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