The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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