i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You may now shotgun with the bride
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
