Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
