He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
