wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
