I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
