What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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