Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
