I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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