he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
