My nipple is on Facebook.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
